Dumb and Dumber

"Life's a fragile thing, Harr. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, and the next minute you're dead meat."

"Hey. Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? [makes a loud, weird noise]"

"(about a passing woman at the preservation society) I'd like to eat her liver with some "farver" beans and a nice bottle of chianti! [he and Harry imitate Hannibal Lecter]"

"Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy."

"Yeah, I'm heading to Aspen myself. Maybe we could meet up and have some hot chocolate."

"You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!"

"Lloyd: [upon hearing Petey's death] Ohh...! That's it. I've had it with this dump! We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"

"Harry: Okay, just calm down!"