Ted

"Oh, come on! I do not sound that much like Peter Griffin!"

"Stick your finger in the loop of my tag!"

"Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns and missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine."

"No matter how big a splash you make in this world whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber, or a talking teddy bear, eventually, nobody gives a shit."

"What the hell you problem?! You breaka my wall, I breaka your wall!"

"Ted: Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny?"

"Ted: Come on, let's sing the thunder song."

"John and Ted: When you hear the sound of thunder, don't you get too scared, just grab your thunder buddy, and say these magic words: "Fuck you, thunder! You can suck my dick! You can't get me thunder 'cause you're just God's farts!""