Blast from the Past

"A duck goes into a pharmacy wanting some lip balm. The druggist asks if that will be cash or credit, and the duck replies "Put it on my bill!""

"Calvin: These are stock certificates. They denote ownership in a company."

"Adam: Those look pretty. May I see them?"

"Calvin: Sure. They are yours. Your mother and I bought these for you before you were born to give you some money to help you out in your adult years. Unfortunately, they are all worthless now."

"Archbishop Melcher: All of these things, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Heroin Anonymous.."

"Drunk: There is a Heroin Anonymous?"

"Melcher: Will you please...shut up?"

"Melcher: All of these things ask you to believe in something greater than yourself. Well, I have turned my eyes skyward a time or two, and I have seen nothing, except an airplane or two, which I cannot afford to get on!"